Alastor Moody

深入一个异质文明的情感深处,看到另一种价值观的庞大底座。

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仅需2秒就让别人喜欢你

Here's a simple trick to make people like you in 2 seconds

We form impressions of each other's personality within seconds of meeting — and knowing that fact can make approaching a new person incredibly nerve-wracking.

在见面几秒钟的时间里,我们便会形成相互的印象——我们也知道,接近不认识的人是件伤脑筋的事。

Quick: Smile! But not too broadly. Introduce yourself — but not so fast! Time's up.

捷径:微笑!但别笑得太过;自我介绍,语速别太快。如此而已。

Fortunately, there's a simple psychological strategy for combatting the anxiety associated with meeting new people. The trick? Don't think of them as new.

幸好,我们还有一种与陌生人打交道的心法:别当他们是陌生人。

Instead, you'll want to do what speaker and author Nicholas Boothman calls "assume rapport." In other words, talk to the "new" person as if he or she were your cousin or your uncle — someone you feel happy talking to and you can be yourself with.

你可以试试讲师兼作家尼古拉斯· 布斯曼所谓的“假装亲密”法,也就是说,你对陌生人说话要像你跟亲朋好友闲谈一样愉快自如。

Boothman, the author of "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less," has spent years coaching business people to be more effective, more relaxed communicators. Assuming rapport, he told Business Insider, is a skill that anyone can learn and deploy within the first two seconds of making someone's acquaintance.

布斯曼是《如何让人在90秒内喜欢你》的作者,多年来致力于培训商务人士如何有效沟通,并随自然的沟通。他告诉Business Insider,假装亲密是一种任何人都能在两秒钟内学会并应用的技巧。

"It's just a really great way to make someone feel comfortable with you," he said. "Just talk to them like you've already known them."

他说:“对陌生人说话就当你认识他们,这样别人会感到非常自如。”

That doesn't necessarily mean dishing about the details of your romantic life, which would likely be off-putting.

但并不意味着你要去暴露自己的感情生活,这样很可能让别人反感你。

The goal of assuming rapport, Boothman said, is to "find common ground," or to uncover what's similar between you two. It can be something as simple as the fact that you drive the same car or you're wearing the same brand of shirt.

布斯曼说,假装亲密的目的是要“寻找共同点”,可以简单到你们是否开同一款车,或者穿同一个品牌的衬衫。

In fact, research suggests that finding common ground is a solid strategy for getting people to like you. According to the "similarity-attraction hypothesis," we tend to gravitate toward people who are just like us in some capacity, and especially when we share similar attitudes and values.

研究表明,寻找共同点是是让别人喜欢你的有效手段。根据“物以类聚”理论,我们更倾向于受能力地位相同者吸引,当我们态度和价值观一致时,这一点尤为明显。

Boothman gave an example of how he could have assumed rapport and found common ground with me during our phone conversation.

布斯曼拿说他可以拿跟我通话的例子证明他如何应用假装亲密,并找到我们之间的共同点。

He'd initially asked if we could postpone our phone call by 15 minutes because he was running late. Once we got on the phone, he could have asked me: "Are you ever late? What does it feel like?" Assuming I answered in the affirmative, we would immediately have had something tangible to talk about, that would likely lead into deeper topics of discussion.

他事先会问我能不能把电话时间推迟15分钟,因为他会迟到一会儿。我们通话时,他会问我“你有过迟到的经历吗?迟到的感觉如何?”假定我是确定的回答,我们就能马上引入实质性的谈话了,这样就很可能触及一些深层次的话题。

(Boothman said he declined to use this strategy because he figured he'd already held me up, though I was curious to know whether it would have worked.)

(实际上布斯曼并没有采用这一招,因为他觉得他已经帮到我了,但我还是好奇是不是真的有效果。)

Boothman mentioned Oprah Winfrey as an example of someone who's really skilled at creating "me-too moments," or opportunities to say, "You're kidding, I feel exactly the same way!"

布斯曼提到奥普拉·温弗瑞,说她是一位寻找共同点的高手,总是能在适当的时候说“我也是!”,“开玩笑吗?跟我想的完全一样!”。

Yes, Winfrey is a professional talk-show host, and yes, assuming rapport is probably harder than it sounds. But the point is that the connections between you and others are likely there already. It's just a matter of being willing to uncover and capitalize on them.

温弗瑞是职业脱口秀主持人,假装亲密听起来也有点难,但实际上你与别人的关系都是潜在的,就看你愿不愿意去捅破这层窗户纸并加以利用。

"The moment you find common ground," Boothman said, "you have a relationship."

“一旦你们找到共同点,相互的关系就随之产生了。”布斯曼说。

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